


Hide and Seek

by FerretShark



Series: Iron Dad and Spider Son Shorts [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, Irondad, Pepper Potts is the real hero, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Silliness Ensues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, there's a wasp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22708765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerretShark/pseuds/FerretShark
Summary: “Yeah, there’s a wasp in here somewhere. I’m not sure where it landed.”Peter chokes on a disbelieving laugh, “Isn’t that just something you should expect when you live in a cabin in the middle of woods?”“Well, yeah, but Pep usually takes care of it. She does bugs, I do bedtime stories.” Tony gestures at himself. “We have a fair division of responsibilities kind of thing here.”
Relationships: Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Iron Dad and Spider Son Shorts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605568
Comments: 12
Kudos: 148





	Hide and Seek

**Author's Note:**

> forensicleaf gave me the prompt "Hide and Seek." This is pure ridiculousness but it was fun to write.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. But she threw down her underwear.” Peter choked on a laugh. "I don’t think Rapunzel can hear so well.” he comments to Morgan, who’s leaning against his arm. 

She giggles, “Yeah, but boys are gross.”

“Ookay, then. I’m just going to pretend that present company is exempted.” He turns the page.

“He quickly asked her for a rope, but Rapunzel threw down a cantaloupe.” Peter read, he can’t repress the smile. “You pick the best books.” 

“It’s my favorite.” She grins, putting her thumb in her mouth. Peter’s not supposed to let her do that, but he doesn't have the heart to try and stop her. 

There’s a strangled cry from the kitchen, Peter temporarily stops breathing. Another shout is followed by a loud thump and he’s rolling forward and crawling out of their makeshift reading tent. He cocks his head, trying to pinpoint the source. 

He thinks about activating his suit, but decides that might be overkill.

He reaches for the television remote. 

“Morgan, I’m going to go see if I can help Dad with lunch. I’ll turn on a show. Stay here and don’t leave unless your Dad or I come get you. Deal?”

She watches him cautiously from under dark lashes, then nods.

Peter stands up and makes his way toward the back of the house.

Something hits the floor and shatters. The kitchen. Every muscle in his body is taut and ready to spring. 

“Tony?” He calls, cautious and low. “Mr. Stark? Are you ok?”

He braces himself mentally for what he's going to find on the other side of this door and pushes it open. The first thing that catches his eye is shattered crockery strewn across the stone tiles. 

His heart skips a beat. “T-tony?” The name falls out of his mouth on a rush of trepidation.

“Yeah. Come in and close the door. Help me look.”

Peter’s relief is palpable. “What happened? I heard you yelling.”

“Yeah, there’s a wasp in here somewhere. I’m not sure where it landed.”

Peter chokes on a disbelieving laugh, “Isn’t that just something you should expect when you live in a cabin in the middle of woods?”

“Well, yeah, but Pep usually takes care of it. She does bugs, I do bedtime stories.” Tony gestures at himself. “We have a fair division of responsibilities kind of thing here.”

“Isn’t there a spray?”

Yeah, but two things.” Tony counts them off on his fingers. “I’ve read the safety data sheet on that stuff and I’m pretty sure it could kill people, in sufficient quantities. I’m not spraying that in my house. And two, YOU are susceptible to pesticides.”

Peter blinked, “Oh yeah. I forgot.”

“That’s not something you should forget.” Tony stabs a finger at him.

“May says I lack basic self-preservation skills.” Peter scrunches up his face as he briefly goes over in his mind the episodes that might make her think that. It’s not a short list. 

“I can’t say I disagree with her. 

Peter ignores that. His eyes flick around the kitchen, searching for the wasp, “I don’t see it.”

“It could be anywhere.” Tony says blithely.

Peter rolls his eyes but starts dutifully checking surfaces. “I kind of blame you, because this is a huge kitchen for someone that can only make salad.”

“Pep, wanted a chef’s kitchen.” Tony shrugs, not even offended. “So can you hear it?”

Peter closes his eyes and listens. He can hear the hum of the fridge and other appliances, the steady reassuring thump of Tony’s heart and a high pitched buzzing that’s getting louder by the second. His eyes fly open as a frankly huge wasp bounces off the light fixtures and redirects for his face. “Holy shit!” He jerks back, stumbling into Tony who grabs him. More in a protective gesture and less of a human shield way, he decides. 

“Here, kill it.” Tony hands over what looks to Peter like an alarmingly short newspaper scrap. “I already tried and I missed. It went crazy and I had to run for it.”

“I’m not...” Peter balks. “ You kill it.”

“Consider it the final test of your mentorship.”

Peter splutters, “This is your house, I’m a guest.”

Tony barks out a laugh, “You’re family, kid!” He grabs Peter by the shoulders and tries to aim him toward the wasp’s last known location. 

Peter plants his feet and sticks there causing Tony to crash into him with a grunt. “It’s clearly coming for me. Did you see it?” 

“You’ve been bit by a radioactive spider, what’s a little wasp sting?”

“You ever been stung by a wasp?” Peter counters, giving Tony an unimpressed look. Peter’s flown into one on patrol once and ouch. 

They stare mutinously at each other. “I’ll tell May.” It’s the biggest and best weapon Peter has and it works.

Tony rolls his eyes and snatches the rolled up newspaper. The wasp has landed on the counter and is currently walking along the edge. Tony tenses, ready to strike.

He creeps closer, the insect seems to anticipate this though because it rises slowly, seeming to hover. It’s the hovering that’s unnerving, along with the high pitched hum of its wings. It sends a weird feeling down Peter’s spine.

Tony goes high, he should have gone low because the wasp woozily darts under his arm and disappears. Tony whirls, looking. “Did I get it??”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Peter looks around wildly, “I don’t see it.”

They slowly turn together, scanning the kitchen. 

A pair of black wings flexes over the orange body of the insect as it glides gracefully up from the floor and lands.

“Mr. Stark.” Peter’s voice goes high. “It’s on your shoulder.”

Tony whispers back, his horrified eyes locked on his arm. “I know. You can get it right? You’re fast.” He seems to be trying to reassure himself as he tosses the newspaper at Peter.

“I think so, let me get close enough.” Peter keeps his eyes on his prey. The wasp is walking back and forth on Tony’s shoulder. It’s red-orange body bright under the track lighting. 

It rises suddenly, up toward the vaulted ceiling. Peter jumps and grazes it with the newspaper, which is a mistake. 

The buzzing intensifies as the insect goes berserk, dive bombing anything that moves.

They’re crouched now, trying to stay out of it’s path.

Tony glares over at him. “You had one job.”

“To be fair, it was originally your job.” Peter answers back over the angry wasp sounds.

Tony blows out a breath and shrugs.

Something occurs to Peter. “So have you ever seen that really old movie Mimic?”

“Oh, you mean the one where they blow up the giant roach swarm with a gas explosion while they improbably hide in the sewer water?”

“So you have seen it.” Peter observes drily, ignoring Tony’s patented exasperated face. “Well, you do have gas burners and a lake.” he points out when Tony’s expression doesn’t change. “But that’s not the end of the movie. They lure the last bug out and squash it... with a train.”

Tony regards him stonily for a moment, his jaw flexing,“I think we’ve been there, done that.”

“But did I die?” Peter tosses out flippantly. 

“So, clearly, not the solution we’re looking for.” Tony mutters, checking over his shoulder for the wasp.

Peter gaps at the older man.‘That was cold, Mr Stark.”

“You want cold? I’ll give you a juice pop later.” Tony scuttles from the edge of the kitchen island to over by the trash can.

“That’s ok, Morgan already ate all the red ones.”

Their wordplay is interrupted by an intense buzzing. The wasp is up near the light, bouncing along the ceiling. They watch it, both trying to decide the best way to take it down.

“We need something longer.” Tony is deep into strategizing mode. “Any ideas?”

“A spatula maybe?” Peter offers. He’s not even sure where they’re kept. 

Tony skulks over to a drawer and takes out a silver, metal utensil. 

They meet back near the pantry. “Where did it go?” Tony asks.

Peter realizes that he can no longer hear it. “I don’t know. Did you see it?”

Tony shakes his head. They slowly rise and start looking for the wasp. They check the window and the counter. Peter hesitantly pokes at the plants along the window sill.

Tony checks the fridge and floor. “Found anything, Pete?”

“I’m so sorry Mr. Stark. I’ve looked everywhere.” Peter stands up and holds his palms up in a shrug. “I don’t know where it went.”

Tony’s watching him, his face is doing something strange. “Oh, well.” His voice sounds a little strained. "Why don’t you come over here and we’ll figure something out.” 

Peter notices that Tony’s eyes are tracking something on the wall

A niggling sense of warning became a full fledged alarm. “Oh god. It’s behind me, isn’t it!” Peter whirls, coming face to face with the giant wasp. He screams. He’d be embarrassed about that but he’s pretty sure that he hears Tony screaming too. The wasp leaves the wall and flies straight for him, he ducks. 

He’s never been so thankful for superhuman reflexes in his life.

There’s a tinging sound, much like a metal spatula making contact with an insect exoskeleton. 

“Gotcha!” Tony yells but the wasp isn’t even phased. It lands lazily on the light fixture and stays there, flexing its wings.

Tony has already ducked back down by the kitchen island again and is creeping along the side with eyes on the ceiling. 

Peter has the sudden hysterical thought that they were never going to get out of this. The wasp was going to win.

“Tony?” Peppers voice comes from the ceiling. “Are you all right?”

Peter sags against the kitchen door in relief.

Tony gestures for Peter to be quiet, lest the wasp hear, he supposes. “ Yes, we’re fine. Everything’s fine. Why do you ask?” he coughs “Everything is just as you left it.” He looks over at the remains of the broken butter dish, scattered across the floor. 

“Morgan called me, she’s scared. She said there was screaming and crying coming from the kitchen. Where’s Peter? Tony, do I need to come home?”

“There was no crying involved.” Tony corrects quickly. “Honey, there’s a wasp. And it’s wiley.” He cranes his neck to look over the edge of the counter, but there are no flying insects to be found. 

“A wasp?” Comes the unimpressed reply. “Ironman and Spider-Man can't take care of a wasp?”  
Pepper’s voice is starting to sound a little patronizing.

“Well, when you say it like that. “ Tony grumbles.

“It’s a big wasp!” Peter feels like he should defend them.

“Go get the little hand vacuum from the hall closet, suck up the wasp and put it outside.” Pepper says patiently. “I need to go back to my meeting. You two have fun.” 

There’s a moment of silence. “Hon?” Tony calls up at the ceiling. 

“Mrs. Stark is no longer connected.” FRIDAY intones.

Peter levels a gaze at him and can’t help but twist the knife a bit. “It’s annoying, isn’t it?”

Tony sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “She said get the hand vac. Makes sense. It can’t out fly the suction.”

“We should have thought of that.” Peter laughs weakly.

“I’ll get it!” They both say at the same time.

“I’ll get it,” Tony states firmly. “Someone has to keep eyes on the wasp. You’re younger and you have enhanced eyesight.”

“But I can get to the hand vac faster.” Peter protests. 

In the end they both go. Morgan is right outside the kitchen door. “Mommy says for me not to cry because it’s just a wasp. She also said to tell you not to cry because you’re both afraid of it.”

Tony scoops her up. “Listen Morguna, It’s a really big and very smart wasp. Mommy doesn’t know because she wasn’t here. But the most important thing is that you can never ever, ever tell Uncle Rhodey about any of this.”

“Why?” Morgan asks with all the innocence of a young child, who’s never endured merciless teasing at the hands of one Colonel James Rhodes. 

“Well because-” Tony hedges.

Peter wholeheartedly agrees with this assessment though and answers for him, “Because he’s VERY afraid of wasps.” 

“More afraid than you?” Morgan wonders, frowning. 

“I think that’s fair to say.” Tony says with a shrug, glancing at Peter who nods. 

\--

In the end, they take Pepper’s advice and easily catch the wasp in the hand vacuum. 

Tony decides they should have a release party outside complete with orange and grape juice pops. 

“Ok, easy with that.” Tony says when Peter starts to take the filter out of the vacuum. 

“Back off, man. I’m a scientist.” Peter quotes Ghostbusters and grins when Tony glares at him

With a little shake, the wasp lifts off and glides away toward the woods. If Tony and Peter both notice that it suddenly looks a lot smaller outside, they don’t mention it to each other. 

Peter lets out a sigh of relief. “I never want to go through something like that again.” 

Tony startles, “Oh hell no. I’m building a wasp removal bot. I’m already working on names.“

“Can I help?” Morgan asks.

“I don’t see why not. We’ll start tomorrow.” Tony catches Peter's eye. “I’m using droney’s design for the prototype, gonna fit it with a vacuum nozzle.”

Peter chokes on a laugh, causing melted orange juice pop to dribble down his shirt. “Of course you are.” 

Tony’s voice holds a teasing note. “Yep, it occurred to me earlier, in the kitchen, that the only thing worse than a wasp would be a spider that can fly.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is drawn from some of my real life experiences with wasps that come down the chimney and into my house in the fall and spring. It is every bit as alarming as you might imagine. Many of these things in the fic have actually happened to me and my family. Wasps a extremely hearty and difficult to kill. The are also stealthy and vengeful. Very susceptible to handy dandy vacuums though. PSA: Wasps are important to the ecosystem so don;t kill them unless you have to.
> 
> The book mentioned at the beginning is an inexact quoting of "Falling for Rapunzel" by Leah Wilcox. It's hilarious.
> 
> I didn't torture any betas with this. It's all me. So sorry.


End file.
